Zen and Ince
Unlike Wayne Rooney, I don’t like to kick people when they’re down; but i’m going to jump on Paul Ince like Carlos Tevez on his inflatable girlfriend.
Before I put the boot in, I should address the 900 pound elephant in the room, and I don’t mean my good lady wife.
There is a belief that race played a part in Ince’s short-lived tenure at Ewood Park, although that theory has only been mooted by Oliver Holt, who would have to go to night school for at least five years in order to develop into an idiot.
Hopefully Holt was just playing the role of a cretinous wannabe polemicist when he claimed that Ince was only under pressure because of the colour of his skin. He forgot to mention that he was the most ineffectual manager since David Brent.
It’s no great surprise to see Ince flop in management, as he was an arrogant tool as a player. I remember when he allowed himself to be photographed in a Manchester United shirt while plying his trade for West Ham; that behaviour is bordering on unacceptable even for Manchester United players.
I also blame Ince for England’s Euro ’96 heartache. While Gareth Southgate was auditioning for a Pizza Hut advert, the self-proclaimed ‘governor’ was in the centre circle displaying about as much backbone as Carlos Tevez’s inflatable friend.
The short lived race to replace Ince lasted long enough to cost me a few quid on the next manager market. I had a small flutter on Harry Redknapp: I got really excited about landing the bet when he ruled himself out of the running.
On reflection, a refreshed Big Sam Allardyce was always the logical choice. Sam’s personality will soon envelop Ewood Park, or should that be ‘envelope’. I’ll be receiving a nice little chunk when Blackburn beat Stoke; I’m investing one point at 10/11.
Rafa Benitez could potentially benefit from a break out of the game, as his treatment of Robbie Keane is perplexing to say the least. How can a player gain confidence if he’s being pulled off more than Stan Collymore in a car park.
By keeping Keane on the bench as Liverpool drew against Hull last week, Rafa has basically thrown his hands up to another major error. It made his subsequent comment that Liverpool could still win the league even more outrageous - he’s supposed to be serving the drinks, not swilling them.
Arsene Wenger on the other hand, remains head and shoulders above his contemporaries. Wenger has revealed that he was only a gnat’s fringe away from signing the orange Ronaldo. Wenger even had a shirt made up with the winger’s name on the back. What a waste of the short-stocked ‘W’ and ‘K’.
Wenger had sold the club to Ronaldo’s mother, but the arrogant hermaphrodite changed his mind on the transfer at the last minute, and chose Manchester United instead. Wenger mused, “I'm disappointed that I seduced only Ronaldo's mum;” a feeling shared by all of us who have ever holidayed in Portugal.
I’ll treat myself to some crusty pie when my one point investment on Arsenal to beat Liverpool obliges. The Gunners are available at a mammoth 7/5 at the Emirates - that’s seen about as often as a Robbie Keane goal celebration.
