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To Be Frank, He’s a Plank: To Be Franker, He’s a Wanker
I’m nothing if not fair. I may have been critical of Mike ‘Homer’ Riley in the past, but I must defend the man after he received dogs’ abuse for sending off Frank Lampard last week. Riley, or to use his full name, Manchester United’s Mike Riley, made a brave and ultimately correct decision.
Lampard clearly went into the challenge on Alonso with intent. It was intent to play the ball, but intent nonetheless.
Riley only made one real error during the game, when he failed to spot the horrendous kung fu attack on Yossi Benayoun. Bosingwa did a Kate McCann there, he got away with murder.
Hopefully, the FA will act retrospectively on the karate kick, and bring charges against Frank Lampard. The challenge on Benayoun was clearly anti-Semitic: I believe Lampard orchestrated the attack to protest against the Jewish policy on bacon.
Another man who’s fond of a greasy sausage is Manchester City’s Robinho.
The City lads have excelled themselves with their nickname for the Brazilian; they’ve gone with ‘Robbie’.
It has led to a chant that can often be heard from women in Manchester nightspots; “Robbie, no: Robbie, no.”
It saddens me to see a great player like Robinho under suspicion for an alleged sexual assault. Hopefully the police will finally make an example of someone and lock up Frank Lampard. He started the trend of footballers sneaking into the box unexpectedly.
Harry Redknapp remains the king of the sneaky manoeuvre. Dirty Harry tried everything in his power to sign Brazilian superstar Fred. He even promised him tickets to see Ashley Cole’s favourite musical group perform. “Yeah right,” said Fred”
The deal broke down when the twitchy manager claimed that the Brazilian failed to turn up for a meeting. Fred’s agent disputes this and insinuated that Redknapp was being economical with the truth. That’s like suggesting that Frank Lampard enjoys light snacks.
Some people believe that Joe Kinnear was lying when he claimed that he accidentally called Charles N’Zogbia “Insomnia”. Kinnear is playing the hard to disprove Alzheimer’s card, the most comical of all the mental illnesses.
The FA have to nip this Alzheimer’s card in the bud, so hopefully they’ll come down hard on Frank Lampard. Big fat Frank is constantly acting like an Alzheimer’s sufferer: he spends his day asking everyone he meets, “Do you know who I am?”
Steven Gerrard is much more down to earth, quite literally. Gerrard was booked for diving last week, or as Joe Kinnear would call it, “stimulation.” I’m genuinely excited about the 2.12 for Manchester City against Boro on the Asian Handicap -1 line, I’m staking three points.
