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The Rafalution Fails To End Purple Reign
It’s not often that I agree with Alex Ferguson, in fact it’s about as rare as a self-respecting male staying with Ulrika Jonsson after he’s made a drunken deposit.
I found myself in this uncomfortable position when Fergie labelled Rafa Benitez as “angry and disturbed” after the Spaniard’s hilarious nonsensical rant. I haven’t seen anyone lose their head so publicly since Ken Bigley.
Rafa came across as a seething, apoplectic, discombobulated wreck. Fergie must have wet himself when he saw the footage, although the twelve bottles of Buckfast may have played a significant role.
Benitez has scored a dramatic own goal by trying to mix it with the wily purple-headed warrior. I expect Liverpool’s league position to now drop faster than Ulrika Jonsson’s underwear.
When the inevitable slide occurs, it’ll be the end of the road for Rafa. It won’t be long before he’ll be off to Madrid to proclaim: “I only deal in FACTS: our paella is the finest in all of Spain.”
Mad Rafa hasn’t had a monopoly on outrageous outbursts this week; a video has come to light showing Prince Harry using racist slurs. It’s not really Harry’s fault though, he’s just taking after his father. Prince Charles should also shoulder some of the blame.
It’s not surprising that years of inbreeding and stealing from the working class has left the Royals such an insular group. Harry only feels comfortable amongst his own kind: the only footballer he respects is Michael Ballack.
I have to admit to a grudging respect for the androgynous Ronaldo. The alleged world player of the year smashed his motor into a wall this week: that’s the chance you take when you offer Gillian Taylforth a lift home.
There is an alternative theory to why Ronaldo careered off the road. It is possible that he had only just heard of Ashley Cole’s derisory £55,000 a week offer from Arsenal.
The outrageous salaries of Ronaldo and Cole will soon be dwarfed when Manchester City make their move in the transfer market. It was reported that City were willing to pay Kaka £26m a year; that’s almost as much as Ulrika Jonsson receives in child support payments.
I’m surprised that Kaka never considered a move to Middle Eastlands. The Brazilian superstar is a big fan of Jesus, so playing alongside Darius Vassell would give him the opportunity to constantly scream his idol’s name.
I’ll be praying to the one true God, Jeff Stelling, to help me out with my two bets this weekend. I’m staking one point on Everton in the ‘draw no bet’ market against Liverpool at 7/2: I’m also staking two points on Sunderland in the Asian Handicap ‘draw no bet’ market against Aston Villa at 7/5.
Both of these wagers represent amazing value for money. It’s the betting equivalent of taking candy from a baby; I just hope it’s not Dwight Yorke and Jordan’s ‘little’ blighter.
