Not by the Clare on her chinny chin chin
As regular readers will know, I’m a supporter of the gay community; I even bought Ashley Cole’s autobiography.
It is with a heavy heart that I have to criticise Clare Balding for her ‘get your teeth done’ gaffe after last week’s Grand National. It was totally out of character for Clare, it was the first time she’s ever had a foot in her mouth.
Rafa Benitez is more familiar with the verbal gaffe. The demented Spaniard comically claimed that Alex Ferguson is afraid of Liverpool. There’s only one thing that the wily Scot fears, and that’s prohibition.
United did appear to be feeling the pressure when they played Aston Villa last week; they were lucky to be on level terms after 90 minutes. Luckily for Slur Alex, Mike Riley was refereeing, so when the 4th official displayed the board to indicate the stoppage time, it simply read ‘as long as it takes.’
To the surprise of absolutely nobody, United stole the points in the 134th minute thanks to a wonder-goal from Federico Macheda. I haven’t been this excited over a teenager since the wife’s niece fell asleep early.
The press reaction to Macheda has been verging on preposterous; they’re making him out to be a fusion of George Best and Paul Gascoigne. He’ll probably date a Miss World then beat her up with a plastic parrot.
A more apt comparison would be with a young Wayne Rooney. They’ve both made a pensive pensioner very happy.
Macheda has gone from a nobody to a superstar overnight and now has 82,000 ‘friends’ on Facebook. He’s been poked over 3,000 times; he’s catching up with Alex Gerrard.
Lazio are incandescent with rage over the Macheda affair, as they believe the youngster was poached by United. It’s not ethical to go around the world pinching kids, they’re even clamping down on Madonna.
I had to pinch myself this week when I saw Newcastle’s public training session. There were 7,000 people there to watch the ‘action’, that would have been Middlesbrough’s record attendance.
The Geordie Nation remain an optimistic bunch, they’re even pleased with the arrival of Iain Dowie. Judging by Dowie’s appearance, he’s an experienced right-hand man.
Dowie may be aesthetically questionable, but he’s a definite character. I certainly wasn’t offended when he spoke fondly of Shearer’s big cojones; you have to do what you can to find work.
When Dowie gets sacked by Newcastle, and that won’t be a particularly long wait, he should consider a stint on the after dinner speaking circuit. He would have to go on before dinner though; we must respect the health and safety implications.
I’ll be dining like Clare Balding when my one point investment on Manchester City to beat Fulham obliges at 10/11, I’ve always had a soft spot for fish.