It’s Good for the Complexion, Yes
For some unexplainable reason, my wife is a big fan of Alex Ferguson. I overheard her on the phone to her mother speaking of her love for the old purple-headed warrior.
Myself, I’m more of a Wenger man. It saddens me to see William Gallas stitch up his manager with his morale-shattering critiques. I haven’t seen anyone be so royally shafted by a surly Frenchman since Leslie Ash.
Gallas has rightfully received criticism, but the finger of blame should be pointed at Birmingham City. The Gunners were kind enough to loan the Brummies their best young players, and Nicklas Bendtner; yet the Blues repaid their generosity by attempting to kill Eduardo. That brutal assault is the main reason why Gallas is now the biggest fruitcake since that bint out of Misery.
Arsene Wenger has reacted quickly to the crisis by appointing Cesc Fabregas as his new captain. Cesc can prove his suitability for the role by persuading Bendtner to lose his very, very light red boots. He should return to them to Ashley Cole immediately.
It’s uncanny how the careers of Ashley Cole and Mad Willy Gallas have mirrored each other since they swapped paths. Both players have failed to reproduce their best form for their new club and they’ve both been caught with a fag in their mouth.
The likes of Gallas and Cole are not suitable role-models for our kids, but luckily we have TV chefs for moral guidance.
If you believe what you read in the tabloids, foul-mouthed part-time Scot Gordon Ramsay has been playing away from home with the nastiest old bird since Emu.
The bint’s allegedly gone through Jeffrey Archer and Gordon Ramsay - she might as well finish the set off with Ian Huntley.
I’m not going to criticise Ramsay for allegedly riding along in the well-travelled old skank. If you want a new motor, it makes sense to pick one that’s been thoroughly road-tested, as Steven Gerrard would testify.
If anything, I’m disappointed by Ramsay treating a woman like he would a piece of meat. He’s warming it up and charging £30.
I’m quite surprised that Mrs Ramsay hasn’t told her husband to cook off. Although, I’ve seen a few of his shows and he’s always taking his shirt off and calling random men ‘big boy’, so it’s probably something of a relief.
Ramsay may be uglier than Carlos Tevez and more wrinkled than Methuselah but it doesn’t surprise me that loose women are keen to make his acquaintance. Ramsay’s a Glasgow Rangers man through and through, so he’s familiar with coming second.
Personally, I’ve won every race I’ve ever entered - but I’m highly competitive.
After struggling to find any value in the top flight, my competitive nature has led me to a great bet in the Championship. I’m so confident that Wolves will beat Birmingham at 11/8; I’ve already spent the profit from my one point investment on one of David Sullivan’s jazz mags. I’ve always enjoyed the work of Charlie Parker and Miles Davis.
