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Get your Fritz out for the lads
Whenever possible, I try to see the good in people. Take Josef Fritzl for example; if he’s guilty of anything, it’s loving too much.
The Austrian is arguably a positive role-model. It takes real dedication to maintain such a long-term relationship.
We could definitely learn a lot from Fritzl, especially his appreciation of the importance of regular exercise.
I’m an astonishingly lazy man, even when I use the old ‘chloroform on a rag’ trick; I expect the lucky lady to go on top.
Fritzl’s daughter appears to share my disdain for any hard work. I’ve seen pictures of the underground apartment in which she stayed, and an estate agent would probably describe it as ‘compact’. Yet she made no real effort to keep the place tidy.
The totalitarian Austrian authorities do not share my half-full outlook towards life, and are in the process of trying Fritzl for his alleged crimes. If you ask me, it’s political correctness gone Rafa Benitez.
I’m not suggesting that Fritzl is an angel, but why is he being persecuted for tying someone up in knots and taking outrageous liberties? When Fernando Torres did it to Nemanja Vidic he was applauded.
I have a grudging respect for Vidic; he’s probably my favourite Albino footballer. He is responsible for United’s worst result in seventeen years though, if we overlook the signing of Alan Smith.
Wayne Rooney was also partially to blame for the Liverpool debacle after foolishly going public with his hatred for the Merseyside club. The United website had to remove the article as it was considered offensive; not so much the words but the accompanying picture of Rooney.
Sir Alex was literally seething after the game and refused to talk to Sky. I was quite disappointed; I was looking forward to him telling the reporter “I fucking love you Geoff.”
Fergie was in a more sober mood when he spoke to MUTV later in the day. “We were the better team,” he deadpanned, before going on to suggest that Lily Allen had large breasts.
Ferguson and Fritzl are disliked by many, but both have redeeming features, unlike the odious Phil Brown. The Hull manager not only let himself down with his tall stories and outright lies after Hull’s defeat to Arsenal, he also let down the entire orange race.
Ian Wright correctly slaughtered the Hull manager for his cowardly web of mistruths. And to answer Wrighty’s question: yes, I do know what you mean.
The sooner Brown returns to the call centre where Hull plucked him from the better, he’s more offensive than Harry Redknapp and Neil Warnock combined; if the human mind can possibly imagine such a heinous collaboration.
Warnock can be accidentally entertaining when he’s not trying to steal money from West Ham. He spoke this week of his desire to spend an hour in a room with Richard Scudamore; adding somewhat worryingly, “no holes barred.” He is the English Josef Fritzl, only without the likability.
Fritzl has been severely castigated in the press all week, but he can’t be that bad a person; his kids never wanted to leave home.
When his children were forced out of their luxury cellar accommodation, they were afraid of the sunlight, so I’m assuming that they’re a ginger family. Maybe he is a wrong-un after all. I've seen the light; i'm investing one point on Blackburn to beat West Ham at 21/20.
