Ask and Ewe Shall Receive

As tradition dictates, the first week in January is a time for New Year’s resolutions.  Robbie Fowler has pledged to improve his fitness, David James has vowed to overcome his fear of crosses and Steven Gerrard has promised to stop using Bolton players as trampolines.

Sam Hammam has one wish for the New Year, a Cup upset at Highbury.  The charismatic Chairman is one of the games most colourful characters: when he signed Spencer Prior for Cardiff, he inserted two clauses in the contract; Prior had to eat sheep’s testicles and engage in a physical liaison with a sheep.  Prior signed the contract, but he flat out refused to eat the testicle. Mad Sam’s new crazy gang are in for a beating at Highbury, you can back the Cup holders at 1/7.

Michael Owen is the latest star name to be struck by the curse of the metatarsal. Wayne Rooney, David Beckham, Steven Gerrard and Gary Neville have all been laid up with a similar injury - that reads like a who’s who of English football; and Gary Neville.  All that trouble, from just a little bone.  Get on the Geordies to beat Mansfield at 1/6.

It’s been a tough season for West Brom: they’re odds on to be relegated, their only quality player has handed in a transfer request, their ball-boys have ginger hair and they’ve drawn the hottest team in the Country in the FA Cup.  Reading are on a 27 match unbeaten run in the Championship; they’re available at 15/8 to beat the Baggies at the Hawthorns.  I have three words of advice; get stuck in.

After a few choice tackles of his own, it’s somewhat ironic that Michael Essien has been ruled out due to a nasty challenge.  Maybe there’s something in this karma: there is - half a poppadom.  Chelsea are 1/14 to beat Huddersfield; they will win.

Peter Crouch has shown incredible improvement in recent weeks, at the start of the season he looked abysmal, now he’s scoring like Wayne Rooney on an 18-60 holiday in Amsterdam.  Steven Gerrard is currently sizzling like a pan full of bacon, you can’t oppose the Reds at 2/5.

Why is it the characters in Eastenders are always depressed at Christmas?  Possibly because they’re West Ham supporters.  After losing three matches on the trot, the Hammers won’t fancy a trip to Carrow Road. The form book says the Canaries are a decent investment at 9/5 - I refuse to argue with a book.

Kevin Nolan would like to get something off his chest - Stevie Gerrard.  He believes Bolton have an excellent chance in the FA Cup this season; I agree.  Bolton at 28’s, Villa at 33’s and Reading at 200’s are all worth a small each way tinkle.