A Nappy Ending

I’ve never really understood the fascination with babies; they’re small, they’re ugly and they make absolutely no effort to participate in a coherent conversation.  My antipathy towards the little monsters probably began when the wife gave birth to little Goliath, she had the audacity to stay in hospital for a full two days after dropping the little cash magnet, the front room looked like a bomb had landed within a matter of hours - there’s just no excuse for her laziness.  

For fans of Sunderland, the last day of the season is a lot like childbirth; after nine months of anguish, the end result makes you question whether all the effort was worthwhile.  The worst team in the history of the Premiership will end their season of woe at Villa Park; back the Villans to take all three points at 8/13; it’s a little bundle of joy. 

Fans of the Albion will also be glad to see the season come to a close; the locals of West Bromwich haven’t been this embarrassed since the Frank Skinner show first aired.  The Baggies travel to Goodison Park where they have lost on their five previous visits; Everton are the nap of the week at 8/13.

Lady luck is not just smiling on Tottenham, she’s flashing a little bit of cleavage.  West Ham are understandably concentrating on the FA Cup final, Spurs look an outstanding bet at even money to leave Upton Park with three points and a 4th place finish.

Arsenal’s fixation with this season’s Champions League has potentially cost them a direct route through to next season’s competition, which is like a vegetarian eating a burger to save a lamb.   Arsenal have to win to keep their fading 4th place dreams alive, at 2/9 they can’t be opposed.

It’s tough to like Craig Bellamy, if he was your little brother, you’d probably feel the need to give him a little straightener.  Dislike him or loathe him, you can’t argue with the fact that he’s the reason why Blackburn will be competing in Europe next season.  The Rovers are 8/13 to see off Man City at Ewood; the Bell’s an 11/10 shot to end the season on the goal sheet.

Middlesbrough’s 2nd leg performance against Steaua Bucharest was possibly the greatest comeback since Glenn McGrath’s question of “Why are you so fat?” was countered with “Because every time I sleep with your wife she gives me a biscuit.”  The Boro travel to Fulham and the Cottagers are the call at 8/11.  It’s not all bad news for Boro fans though; Steve McClaren is the new England manager.

Chelsea should be backed at 5/4 to win at St James’ Park in a match that could have potentially disastrous repercussions.  This could be the last game in charge for Newcastle’s caretaker manager, which will mean that I may never get to use the ‘I Roeder’ line which I had tucked away for a rainy day.  Freddie Shepherd probably hasn’t taken that into consideration; typical selfish behaviour. 

 

Quote of the week:

“At times football is not just, and I guess God wanted Arsenal to go through.”
Villarreal striker Guillermo Franco with the quote - Jose Mourinho has denied favouring the Gunners.