Spot-Fixing – An Exposé
I still haven’t forgiven the BBC for allowing Savile to nonce with impunity; it’s the second-biggest scandal in their history, after hiring Robbie Savage as a football expert..
Justice for the Whiny Spic
Racism is like Helen Chamberlain; just because everyone did it in the 70’s it doesn’t make it acceptable today.
My Bart Will Go On (All Fours)
Joey Barton has dropped a few hints about his sexuality on social networking sites. He tweeted “Alex Song’s tackle left a nasty taste in my mouth.”
Shaming Primate Ryan
After the Imogen story broke, it was then revealed that Giggs had slept with his brother’s wife and paid £500 for an abortion. That was a monkey down the drain, quite literally.
The No-Ball Art of Harrying
November sees the other event that I simply cannot wait for; The Ashes. That is assuming that the Thatchers opt for a cremation.
‘There’s a Bad Roon on the Rise’ aka ‘It’s Gonna Blow Ogre!’ aka ‘Spitting with Wayne’
Whatever the reason behind Rooney’s infidelity, it’s incredulous that he had to pay £1,200 to give his Purple Wayne a little shower. Women normally flock around footballers like flies around John Terry, so something doesn’t add up, and I’m not talking about Robbie Savage.
Always remember the 9th of November
I’m not a political expert, but even I know that 9/11 isn’t just the number of heterosexuals in the Chelsea team.
It ain’t over ‘til the fat Brady swings
Karren Brady is undoubtedly good for the Premier League’s image, as she ticks a number of boxes, namely ‘female’, ‘fat’ and ‘ugly’. I don’t think it would be unfair to say she put the ‘ming’ in Birmingham, and now the ‘ton’ in Upton Park.
The World Cup’s Gonna Get Messi
England’s chances of success, much like the sun, revolve around Wayne Rooney. And just like when Coleen asked him for a better view at the Glastonbury festival, that’s a ridiculous amount of weight to place on a young man’s shoulders.
Playing at right back for Arsehole United is Gary Neville, undoubtedly the busiest tool since Kate McCann’s shovel.
A Johnny Pork Her and Seven Up
In an attempt to placate his bint, Ashley Cole has turned to religion. He can often be found on his knees, practicing on a hymn.
It’s Like Déjà Vu All Over Again
One of my genuine conquests was a German girl who was close to being a perfect ‘10’. She was extremely conceited though: she knew she was a ‘9’, and she wouldn’t shut up about it while making love.